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Comedian Jokes
18 Jokes on 2 Pages
- Trick or TreatI never actually grapsed the whole "Trick or treat" ultimatum.Giving candy to grateful, adorable children or receiving a bag of flaming animal excrement on your doorstep-is this a choice?-Jerry Seinfe
- SurgeryI had my appendix removed. There was nothing wrong with it, I just did it as a warning to the other organs in my body to shape up or they're out of there-Charlie Viracola
- HMOMy HMO is terrible. They charge me for a self-examination.It's a flat fee.-Wendy Liebman
- Gas StationsWhy do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?-George Carlin
- TaxesThe IRS says they can't give back 80 million dollars in refunds because they don't have addresses for the taxpayers. Yeah, they can't find you when they owe YOU money-Jay Leno
- IRSThe IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you're allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents.-Conan O'Brien
- Psychic PhenomenaDo you ever get the vuja day feeling? Not deja vu. This is vuja day: the strange feeling that none of this has ever happened before-George Carlin
- ProtestingI'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.-Mitch Hedberg
- EscalatorsAn escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out of order" sign, just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."-Mitch Hedberg
- EnvironmentThe EPA is conducting a $700,000 dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. You can tell Republicans are in power. "Pollution? It's those damn trees."Jay Leno